"Don't do that, you will put Pesto on the ceiling".

"Your fly is not an ATM.. please do not keep putting quarters in it." (3 year old was putting change into his fly and jumping up and down to see if they would fall out or "get lost in his bottom"--luckily nothing was lost!).

Mom: "Where are your socks?"
3 Year old: "In the Christmas Tree"
Mom: "What?! Why?"
3 Year old: "Why not?--I throwed them there for decorations"

Christmas Party "Fun"

Please do not play drums on the silver service.

HOW many mini "hot dogs" did you feed the dog?

Dessert

Dessert, or "D.Z." as it's called around our house, is supposed to be a reward for good behavior. Far too often, it's simply a concession on our part to just get them settled down for a few minutes. Anyway, Cheese goes and grabs the D.Z. out of the freezer tonight - mini ice cream sandwiches.

He walks around the dining room with these in some sort of ritualistic dance. Then he sets one on the table and carries the other in a unique way, prompting this from me:
"Cheese, get the ice cream sandwich out of your armpit."
- Daddy

Welcome to our Zoo

The entire premise of this blog is to capture many of the things that are said in our house that probably aren't uttered in yours.

We have two boys, ages 7 and 3 at this time. We'll call them "Ham" and "Cheese", respectively. Most of these statements, not surprisingly, are said to the three-year old. All of them are actual statements, either direct quotes or paraphrases - after all, we're not often in a position to write these down when they are said.

Let's get started...

"Please get the tomato out of the cocoa"
- While the boys were served cocoa after time outside.


"Don't squeeze the lemon into the sugar bowl"
- General kitchen "assistance" from Cheese


"The front steps are not for sledding"
- While Cheese was trying to sled down them

"Look at the globe with your eyes and not your bottom"
- As Cheese finished his bath, took off nude through the upstairs and started toting the globe around. When asked what he was doing, he responded "I'm looking at it" while he was actually sitting on it. Naked.

"Don't build a potty in the fort"
- Playing fort

Principal: "Little boy, we don't run in my school"
Three-year old: "Yes we do, because I've got to play"
- While mommy and Cheese were at Ham's school

Mommy: "Uh, oh, you pooped your pants, did you wash your hands?"
Cheese: "I didn't need to. The poop is all gone"
Mommy: "Where did it go?"
Cheese: "I didn't need to wash my hands because only two fingers touched the poop when I put it in the potty."
- Self-explanatory.